Christian Singleness

For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be married, and to this day If someone was to ask me what my deepest desire is, without hesitation it would be to have a healthy, lifelong marriage. Ironically enough here I am, 34 years old, single, and probably the furthest I have ever been to that dream.

Singleness has been very painful for me. I have seen almost every single one of my friends marry, have children, and start families of their own. Last summer I started seeing a Christian counselor after a relationship had ended that I really didn’t want to end. I was battling with rejection, depression, anxiety, and little to no self worth.

I remember during that time I was at church one Sunday morning and the sermon was on “idols.” The pastor had asked everyone to imagine one thing they desire more than anything in the world. Virtually something they “idolized.” Of course I’m thinking “to have my own family.” If I had that I would be happy, complete, fulfilled. Then the pastor said, “now imagine you never see that while you’re on earth.” At this point I’m sobbing. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. It’s not like I’m asking for more money, a bigger house, or a better car. I am asking for a desire that I believe is from God himself.

It clearly states in the Bible in Genesis 2:18 “ it is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Why would God not give me something that he says is good?

Being single, I have heard so much advice over the years from “ when you are ready God will send you the one.” “When you stop looking you will find him.” “When you don’t want it so bad it will happen.” “You need to work on yourself first.” The list goes on and on. I know people mean well but the reality is that’s just not truth. God gives good gifts and it isn’t based on whether we are deserving or not, cause the truth is we all fall short. There isn’t this list that I have to check all the boxes and then God will give me the desires of my heart, it just doesn’t work like that.

I have spent a lot of time being angry with God but the truth of the matter is he isn’t being any less good to me because he hasn’t given me kids or a husband. He is for me, He loves me, and He isn’t withholding anything good from me. I want to start living my life like a woman that truly believes that. I am whole and complete EVEN IF I never see those dreams come to pass on this side of heaven!