5 Powerful Keys for Every Childhood Trauma and Abuse Survivor:

Key 3-Rest

This article is the third in the series entitled, 5 Powerful Keys for Every Childhood Trauma and Abuse Survivor.

And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made. (KJV)
-Genesis 2:2
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
-Matthew 11:28

The very first time I sat down to listen to God speak to me, I heard Him say, “Rest.” I remember thinking to myself, “Rest?! Are you kidding me?” I remember saying to God, “That’s the word for me? You can say anything, and you are telling me to rest?” I listened carefully for His response hoping He would provide much more of what I wanted to hear but nope…He just repeated, “Rest.”

At the time, I felt so frustrated. I wanted to hear something like, “Here’s what I want you to do, Gina. Here is the roadmap to what you want in life. Go ahead get going! Let’s do this!” Instead, I just sat at my kitchen table with my head in my hands staring into my journal where all I had written was, “Rest.” I couldn’t believe that was my first word from God and frankly, I felt disappointed and angry.

Not to mention that I did not feel like resting!

This happened during a time in my life when I felt I had no purpose. I had decided to leave my teaching career a couple of years prior and had taken time to heal from the memories of childhood sexual abuse that had recently resurfaced after years of not remembering. In my opinion, I was ready to get back into the world and desperately wanted to get back to a career so I could feel worthy and purposeful. (Although I did not necessarily realize that was my reason at the time.)

As a result, I had hoped God would tell me how to do that. However, He had His own message and that was simply, “Rest.” Ugg! I remember thinking, “Rest? That’s all I ‘ve been doing.” The truth was I wasn’t working but the truth also was that I had not been resting even though at the time I thought I had been. I thought I had been resting a long time because I had taken so much time off. However, the more I learned to rest with God, the more I realized that just because I wasn’t working all that time, did not mean I had been resting.

And Key 3-Rest is what I will talk about in this article. Last article I discussed Key 2 in the Bridge to Breakthroughs program, Relate. (Key #2)

I shared how relating to God helps heal the shame caused by childhood trauma and abuse. I also offered some ideas for how to personally relate to God and yourself as His fearfully wonderfully made child. In this article I am going to discuss Key 3-Rest.

First, let’s look at what resting is and why it’s so important on the journey to healing from childhood trauma and abuse. Then I will share several ideas for how to rest.

Webster’s dictionary defines rest in several ways. Some of which include, “a bodily state characterized by minimal functional and metabolic activities, peace of mind or spirit, freedom from activity or labor and a state of motionlessness or inactivity.”

Dr. Saundra Dalton MD author of the book, “Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy and Restore Your Sanity,” in her discussion of rest equates rest with restoration. She goes even further saying that this restoration needs to take place in seven key areas of your life: physical, mental, sensory, creative, emotional, social, and spiritual.

Based on both Webster’s and Dr. Dalton-Smith’s definitions, there’s no doubt I had not been resting and that is why God wanted me to. He knew that resting aids in opening your prefrontal brain where helpful changes happen. He knew that when you rest, you make space to receive His unconditional love which, helps us experience relief from anxiety, fear, and shame.

God knew that rest helps calm the nervous system. After all, He created it, right? 😊 Resting moves you out of the brain stem which is the part of the brain where all you can do is fight, flee, freeze, or fawn. Because of the trauma that childhood abuse survivors have suffered, their bodies automatically stay on high alert and operate from this part of the brain.

This presents a huge problem because no learning, change, connection, organizing, prioritizing can take place when you are operating from a nervous system operating from the brain stem. Hence, no breakthroughs. This explains why many abuse survivors continue the cycle of abuse as they get older in addiction, dysfunctional relationships, etc. It’s all they know.

The challenge becomes learning how to regulate the nervous system so that you operate from the prefrontal part of your brain where breakthroughs can happen. Which is where learning how to rest comes in.

Resting can look and feel and sound different for everyone. Think of learning to rest like trying on a new shoe. You think it looks pretty on the shelf, so you try it on. Either it fits and you enjoy looking at it and wearing it or it doesn’t fit so you put it back in the box and try on another shoe. Get it?

Here’s some ideas to get you started:

Turn on soaking prayer music (you can do a search for “soaking prayer music” and find something you like) then lay down arms at your side on your back with your palms up. Talk to God and ask Him to help you rest and be open to really receive His unconditional love and peace that surpasses all understanding. If you start feeling restless, just pay attention to your breath. Don’t try to change it, just observe it. Start out with 15 minutes and work up to more or if that’s too long, start with 10 minutes.

Get a coloring Bible and instead of playing on your phone, page through it and see what God wants to share with you through His word and then color in the pages. Put on some soft music or make some tea and play around with coloring and resting.

Turn off your phone and instead:
Read a book
Do a puzzle
Journal
Laugh-watch a funny show or listen to a funny podcast.
Get outside in the fresh air and sunshine-go for a walk, sit in the park with God, go on a hike, etc.

Learning to regulate your body when you are upset will get you out of the brain stem and provide relief you desire. The more you practice the more your body and mind will start to shift making breakthroughs possible.

Think about it, the field that reaps the most fruitful harvest rests for an entire season. Furthermore, even Jesus rested often with His Father! You are no different. Resting changes the patterns in the brain from survival to thrival (that’s not a word but you get the idea 😉 without you even trying. Even better, because you are automatically regulating your nervous system, when you learn to rest, you are making space for connection and other beneficial experiences and feelings. Hence, overcoming abuse and discovering joy.

You can read the first article in this series by following this link, #1 Recognize.

For more information on The Bridge to Breakthroughs and overcoming abuse and discovering joy, visit Gina’s website at https://www.ginarolkowski.com or follow her on Instagram or Pinterest @GinaRolkowski