5 Powerful Keys for Every Childhood Trauma and Abuse Survivor:
Key #4, Recover
This article is the fourth in the series entitled, “5 Powerful Keys for Every Childhood Trauma and Abuse Survivor.”
Recover: to get back something stolen or taken away especially by making an effort. To search for, find and bring back. ~ Webster’s Dictionary
Last article I discussed Key 3-Rest in the Bridge to Breakthroughs program.
I shared how rest helps calms the nervous system which allows for transformation by activating the part of the brain in which learning, breakthroughs, and healing take place. I even shared how Jesus often rested so that He could stay refreshed by the Father.
In this article, I am going to elaborate on Key 4-Recover. This key opens the door to reclaiming what seems lost when you were traumatized or abused.
Like the definition states, recovering means getting back something that was taken away. When you are abused, it feels like your whole life has been stolen from you. While this certainly and understandably can feel true, it just is not so. Before looking at why that is, let’s look at what gets lost that needs to be recovered on the journey of healing from trauma and abuse.
As I mentioned in the second article of this series about Key 2-Relate, shame causes the greatest pain and struggle for abuse survivors. This is because shame has the potential to change the way they see themselves and may lead to long-lasting social, professional, and personal difficulties. Also, unresolved shame can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem
To keep it simple, basically two things get lost or seemingly taken away when you are traumatized or abused especially in childhood.
- Your sense of self AKA your self-worth.
- Your ability to successfully regulate your nervous system so that you can successfully interact in society socially, professionally, and personally.
Therefore, the tasks of Key 4-Recover focus on reclaiming those two losses.
So, how do you go about regaining these crucial pieces of self that often seem so far gone they cannot be recovered? One way, I already shared in the second article regarding Key 2 Relate in which I mentioned learning to relate to self with compassion.
So, the good news is that some of what needs to happen to recover your sense of self and learn to manage your emotions has already happened in Key 2-Relate. When you start relating to God and experiencing His unconditional love as well as relating to yourself with self-compassion, you automatically begin recovering your self-worth and to boot, regulating your nervous system. Pretty cool, huh?
If that’s the case, then what task does Key #4-Recover present?
Self-regulation i.e. creating an effective “Emotional Toolbox.”
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. –Galatians 5: 22-23
When you are abused, your brain, and, therefore, your body and mind, stay in a state of fight, flight, freeze or fawn. The only function of this part of the brain is survival. No peace, love, joy, kindness, etc. No healthy connections, no progress or purpose professionally or personally. Hence, the importance of building an effective emotional toolbox.
When you can learn to respond to difficult feelings rather than react out of survival, you begin to form new patterns in the brain which significantly decrease anxiety and fear. Which in turn, makes room for new healthy experiences and relationships with self and others.
It’s important to note that initially, this will feel very uncomfortable and even unsafe because your body is used to being on high alert. However, the more you practice handling upsetting emotions, the easier it will become to manage them. The intensity and frequency of feeling like you can’t handle it will significantly decrease and disappear. Thus, recovering your sense of self and self-control. Both of which lead to a happier more peaceful, playful, and purposeful life.
So, let’s look at some ideas for what goes into your Emotional Toolbox.
- Affirmations said out loud about who you are and your worth because of that.
- I am a fearfully wonderfully made child of God made in His Image.
- Nothing and nobody can take away my God-given true value.
- I am not what happened to me, I am more precious than rubies and unconditionally loved by God my Father.
- Tools for feeling your feelings:
- Practice the 3 Steps to Serenity when you notice that you feel upset, anxious, or overwhelmed:
1. Stop what you are doing
- Sense what is happening in your body (my chest feels tight, my heart is racing, my fists are clenched, etc.). Just notice and describe.
- Say-Say what feeling(s) you are experiencing. “I feel sad and scared.” Then go back to step 2 and give your feeling a color and a shape. Then notice how you are feeling. I bet you’ll be presently surprised how much calmer you will feel.
- Wiggle your toes when you feel activated.
- Take 3 deep breaths.
- Find 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.
Managing your emotions can be done in many ways. It’s just a matter of trying new ways and finding what works best for you. If one way doesn’t provide some relief, try another, or try that first strategy again and see if it gets easier or your feel any more relief than you did the first time. Think about self-regulation as a new toy and play around with it with curiosity.
Bottom line…you never actually lost what you think you did. The more you remind yourself of who you are which is who God says you are, and the more you practice handling those upsetting emotions, the quicker you will start to notice that you never really lost yourself or your God given gifts. ‘Next thing you know you are starting to live that peaceful, playful, purposeful life God wants for you.
You can find the article for Key #1 at this link.
For more information on The Bridge to Breakthroughs and overcoming abuse and discovering joy, visit Gina’s website at https://www.ginarolkowski.com or follow her on Instagram or Pinterest @GinaRolkowski
