Worship with Me

Silent Worship

I’ve always been a fan of listening to and writing worship songs. It seemed miraculous when YouTube was born and we had access non-stop to all the music that we didn’t have on cassette or CD. And then Spotify. Wow.

But when I found out I might have breast cancer in 2021 I only wanted silence. I could not listen to even one minute of the worship music I loved. I could not write any songs. I wanted to but I couldn’t. Because if I did I would just cry for hours and hours and I don’t like crying. 

I knew that I didn’t need to listen to music to worship to be comforted by worship and that He could meet me where I was even in the silence. I didn’t want to listen to myself or my own thoughts. I had nothing to say. It was all too much information and too confusing. I just wanted to hear what God wanted to say – without the emotional stir up of something like a nice rendition of “The goodness of God”. 

I found that in spite of the outward silence, the worship that was in my heart kept on going. The worship of thankfulness poured out. Grateful that the cancer had been found and that Jesus was showing me that His mercies were new everyday even in the midst of my confusion and sadness. Grateful for small steps of healing. Grateful for the support of family and friends. Grateful for the ability to relate to and help others in similar situations. Even though I was not singing outwardly, my heart couldn’t stop singing. 

Sometimes we need to be silent so our hearts can worship without distraction.