Freedom to Worship

I love to worship. It brings me so much joy that I can barely contain myself. How blessed are we, that we get to worship our king and savior in our own way. I enjoy reading Psalms out loud to praise Him. I love to read scripture breathed to us by our God each day. But my favorite is praising Him through song. My whole being responds to the music and to the words that often come from God himself.

But it wasn’t always like that. There was a day when I believed I was not worthy of praising God. I believed in Him, loved Him, and even prayed for others, but did not feel I could recover from the shame of mistakes that I believed were all mine. The spring of 2000 found me separated and headed for divorce, and my oldest son faced enormous consequences for some mistakes he made. Both ideas were so foreign to my ideology, yet here we were. I was beyond stunned at this turn of events. How in the world did we get here?

This also started a season of feeling so completely unworthy that I couldn’t even fathom grace. I continued to pray – but not for myself. I did little Bible reading, and I certainly didn’t attend church. People like me didn’t deserve to worship and praise a holy God. I confirmed this point when I saw a couple that were leaders in the church I attended, and they walked away from me. When I saw them, I smiled and headed their way, hoping for a hug and some words of encouragement. They hurried off in another direction. Yep, I was unworthy of the God I had known since I could talk.

I would like to say that this season was short and that things easily got back on track, but that isn’t exactly how it happened. For years, I just ignored it. I didn’t go to church, although I never quit believing in God. I prayed for my children, my friends, and the occasional disaster. I didn’t attend church often; I didn’t take communion, and I spent little to no time reading my Bible. But God didn’t give up on me. He put people in my path that encouraged me. One particular friend reminded me that praise and worship are for God, not me. That was just what I needed to be reminded of. Worship really isn’t about me. Rather, it is all about Him. When I figured that out, I found my way back to worship. And every day I consider it a great privilege to praise my great God and to feel His love and grace. I can be stubborn, and my God knows. It turns out He can be pretty stubborn too.

I relate so much to David when he brought the ark of the Lord to Jerusalem. He was so overcome with praise that he “danced with all his might.” (2nd Samuel 6:14) And that is how I always want to be when I praise Him. Because praising Him is not about me and my worthiness; it’s all about God and His worthiness. And he is worthy to be praised by everything in me, always!

So when you see me worshiping our God with enthusiasm, know it’s because I am completely free today. We should praise Him every single day. There is so much joy in praising God on earth; can you imagine what it will be like in His presence?!