Staying in Love with Your Spouse

Marriage in the eyes of the Christian faith is sacred when it takes place between two Christians. Marriage carries its own grace, which sustains the couple during the lifetime of their marriage and helps them love each other with Christ-like, unconditional love.

Christian marriages offer an agreement between the partners to give themselves to each other in a bond, which unites them and makes them one flesh. They are no longer single, but a unity of one flesh, with the promise to procreate their marriage, with children. As a Christian marriage is a covenant between the couple and God; it should not be entered into lightly and should be a lifetime commitment, which the Church will not dissolve lightly without true Biblical reasoning, such as adultery.

Ephesians 5:25 tells us, “Husbands, love your wives even as Christ loved the Church.” 

Marriage is comparable with the Church being the ‘Bride of Christ.’ Spouses should show the same loving loyalty and respect towards each other as Jesus does to His Bride the Church. Therefore, there should be no hardness of heart, abuse, dominance, oppression, or self-centeredness in marriage. Marriage is to be a ‘mirror’ of the church, spouse loving spouse with Christ-like love, loyalty, and reverence.

The married couple promises to care for each other’s needs, be servants to each other and care for each other’s spiritual growth. The couple is supposed to enhance each other’s lives, unify them, and not tear them apart. The couple should forgive each other, bear each other’s burdens, respect each other and be subject to each other out of reverence for Christ.

The couple should take time to stay in love, by giving to each other in unconditional love and sacrifice. Never let the flames of love grow cold or too ‘comfortable.’ Surprise each other from time to time. Put love notes in your spouse’s lunch box. Dress up in a special outfit and prepare a candlelight supper, consisting of your spouse’s favorite foods. Get a babysitter and occasionally go dancing or to a movie theater. Sit on the sofa and cuddle while watching a movie. Holding hands like teenagers is also nice. Make a bathtub of bubble bath, and just lie back together and soak in the bubbles and talk about your dreams. Many times, intimacy without sex can be more fulfilling than actually ‘making love.’

My husband and I enjoy surprising each other with little gifts. One day my husband came in from work and put something in my hand. When I looked, I discovered a tiny piece of red glass, which was almost heart-shaped. He had kicked something and discovered the piece of glass on the grass at one of his accounts. That was a sweet surprise ‘love gift.’ Sometimes I will be at a friend’s home and be offered a candy bar. I put it in my purse and bring it home to my husband instead of eating it myself, even though I am a big, big ‘chocoholic.’ Ha!

Never fall asleep without saying and meaning, “I love you.” Never ever fall asleep mad at each other. Talk it out, even if it takes a couple of hours, but don’t fall asleep angry. Care for each other in times of sickness. If your spouse is in bed with the flu, make a ‘sick tray’ with a bowl of chicken soup, a glass of Sprite and a rose in a vase.

Appreciate each other, and show it! Let each other know you are aware of what sacrifices the other makes in the marriage. Husbands, bring your wife a few roses or a box of candy from time to time, not for special occasions, just to say, “I appreciate you and love you very much.” Wives, offer to run a bubble bath for your husband to just say, “I know how hard you work for me and our children, why don’t you rest your tired nerves and body in some bubbles?” I surprise my husband once or twice a week with a foot rub and a kiss on his feet, just to say, “I know how hard it is to ‘pound the pavement’ all day and I appreciate and love you.” Husbands offer to help with the dishes one night a week. Wives get out in the yard when the husband mows the lawn. Suggest he take a break for a minute, while he drinks the glass of ice-cold water you brought to him.

Sometimes, I only get two or three hours of sleep and really need a nap the next day. I lay down, and I hear Jesus asking, “Can you offer your sleep as a sacrifice for your husband?” I obey the inspiration given to me and find out that it turned into a blessing for my husband. He will tell me, “I was behind on the route this morning and something happened. I suddenly caught up within an hour.” I smile to myself and say thanks to Jesus for asking me to make that sacrifice, which became a blessing for my spouse. Sometimes, my husband will get a craving for some of my peanut butter fudge at an inopportune time, like 9:00 p.m. I would rather go to sleep but make the fudge anyway. There are hundreds of little sacrifices spouses can make for each other as ‘random acts of kindness.’

So, we know about sacrifice and giving. Now let’s discuss sensuality in marriage. There is a big difference between being in love and being in lust, a big difference between having sex and making love. The difference is marriage is a sacrament. Sexual intimacy should never be used to just fulfill lustful feelings. Nor should it be used as a weapon to get what you want or withheld because of anger. Sensuality (sexual intimacy) should always be linked to love. Cultivate genuine love and respect for each other and intimacy will always be linked with lovemaking, not lust.

If you have inhibitions due to childhood trauma, rape, incest, etc. seek professional counsel. At the same time, depend on prayer as a means of inner healing. Jesus can free you and bring you to a point of not fearing or dreading intimacy. Whatever problems you have in your marriage can only be overcome through prayer. Sometimes prayer needs to be linked to medical help. At other times, prayer alone can bring freedom. Just ask Jesus to guide you in your decisions.

I am speaking of Christian marriages. If your spouse is physically, sexually, or emotionally abusing you………..by all means, go to a safer environment. Then from the safe place; pray for your spouse and leave them in Jesus’ hands. Never stay in a home where you are abused.

If you continually think of marriage as a covenant and look at your spouse as a member of the body of Christ, and care for your spouse’s soul, you will be more likely to stay in love with them. Making sacrifices and surprising each other not only keeps the flames of love alive but also makes marriage youthful, exciting, and the wonderful sacrament it was meant to be. Have a happy marriage, everyone.