A KALIDOSCOPE OF VALENTINE’S DAYS FROM TWO CULTURAL PERSPECTIVES…

By Wendy Gutierrez

Happy Valentine’s Day! Through living in two cultures during nineteen years of marriage, I have learned to appreciate the fun and funny things that can happen on Valentine’s Day…to appreciate this holiday from different perspectives and to be open to learning from others.

Our first Valentine’s Day as a married couple fell about six weeks into our marriage. My husband is Ecuadorian, and we met when he was an international student in the U.S. We lived in two different U.S. states when we were dating and due to our long-distance courtship, we were still getting to know each other’s likes and dislikes six weeks into our marriage. I had high expectations on Valentine’s Day (which I did not express) and was waiting to see how he would surprise me. I believe it fell on a Friday that year and I remember asking, “on Friday?” with surprise when my husband told me he had invited his friend from college to dine with us on Friday night. When my husband realized it was Valentine’s Day, he apologized and said we would do something together another night. His friend was from Saudi Arabia and I remember that he was so appreciative of a home-cooked meal. I learned that not all “holidays” have to be celebrated on the day and about how important hospitality was to my new husband. I was able to share our new home with someone who was missing his home…

Life continued as a married couple and my husband became good at picking out flowers for me in the U.S. On our fourth Valentine’s Day as a married couple, our first baby was about eight months old. I was adjusting to life as a young mom and got the inspiration to dress up our cute diapered kid as Cupid. I made some hearts out of craft foam, bought a bow and arrow from the dollar store and some heart glitter. He ended up wanting to chew on the hearts and getting glitter in his eyes, but we were able to get some very cute Cupid pictures to surprise Daddy!

Fast forward to our fifth Valentine’s Day together. We were getting ready to move to Ecuador and I had anticipated having our second baby join us on Valentine’s Day….fortunately for my huge belly, in January they told me that his birthday had been miscalculated and baby two would join us around February 5. Our ten-and-a-half-pound baby joined us on February 9, after being induced . On Valentine’s Day he was just five days old and was a wonderful present, with the sweet smells of baby and all the little blankets that my heart desired him to have. We moved to Ecuador with him and his brother when he was six months old and his brother was two.

On our sixth Valentine’s Day together, I was learning to immerse myself in Ecuadorian culture as much as possible. I was surprised to wake up at midnight the night before due to a band serenading another woman on our street. That was surely a cultural experience! Also, I learned that one of the benefits of being in Ecuador was that roses are grown here and my husband was able to give me a lot without breaking our missionary budget! I also learned that Valentine’s Day was a holiday for couples here and was not celebrated by children at school. I was a little bit disappointed for my future school children, as I remembered own childhood Valentine’s Days, a day full of cupcakes, cookies, candy and little cards from my classmates.

On our eighth Valentine’s day together, I was getting braver with local fruit. Although we don’t experience seasons in Ecuador, I began to be acquainted with fruit that ripens here in February. One is the fig and I learned to make “dulce de higos,” sugar cane syrup coated figs. It was a two-day process beginning with soaking the figs for hours in water with a bit of baking soda before boiling them in syrup for hours…I was excited to serve them in the traditional Ecuadorian way with bread from the bakery and have some people over to sample them. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that sweet figs are not served with sweet rolls, and my husband had to run to the store and buy more rolls…

On our eighteenth Valentine’s Day together last year, I got my wish for one of my children to experience a Valentine’s Day class party during our six months in the U.S.! Our kindergartener carefully wrote her name on 25 cards and we bought 25 packaged cookies. Unfortunately, I was disappointed to learn that my memories of moms bringing homemade sweets to school were a thing of the past due to the school requiring only store-bought food. My daughter came home with a big paper bag full of small gifts, candy, cards and goodies from her North American classmates. We all got cards for each other from the dollar store and my husband bought me a lovely plant. The joys of experiencing U.S. culture last year!!

Back in Ecuador this year for Valentine’s Day, I have been teaching the verse “Love the Lord Your God with all Your Heart, and with all your Mind and with All Your Strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5) to children and teens at our Christian school. I have been thinking that in both cultures this is the secret to a successful Valentine’s Day, it isn’t really about me but about giving God’s love to others. Reflecting on the traditions of St. Valentine with my class, I realized that this is how Valentine lived as well. I’m encouraged to take some time this Valentine’s Day to see beyond the packaged sweets and cards to learn a little more about St. Valentine’s dedication to God’s love.