Yes, You have to Run Away from Mama

In 1943 Margaret Wise Brown published a delightful book, called The Runaway Bunny.

A little bunny tells his mother he was going to run away from her. He threatens to become, amongst other things, a fish, a rock, a bird, a sailboat. Every time when he says he will change into something else to get away from her, she counters it with her own plan.

For instance, when he says he will become a sailboat, she says she will become the wind and blow him where she wants him to go. There is just no getting away from her. In the end he says: “Shucks, I might just as well stay where I am.”

Maybe you share the little bunny’s frustration that you just can’t get away from your mother. Is your mother that small voice in your head telling you:
• “You’re not good enough”
• “You’re messing up again”
• “No one will ever love you”
Does it feel as if even today she’s the wind blowing the sailboat of your life where she wants it to go?

God doesn’t have any grandkids
It’s so important for Christian women to realize God actually wants us to run away from mama. Not in a physical sense, but in an emotional one. God knows to be on equal, moral footing with your mom as an adult, you need a new kind of relationship with her. That’s why He tells us in Philippians 2:12, “work out your own salvation in fear and trembling”.

Think of it this way. God doesn’t have any grandchildren; He only has children. We have to stand before Him as individuals. If we truly are grown-ups our mother can’t be the one to tell us what’s right and what’s wrong. There can be no mediator other than Jesus Christ between us and God. So yes, we do it in fear and trembling, but we want to learn to be the judge of our own lives.
Easier said than done, right? Your identity feels so entwined with her. Not only did she give you life and language, she helped shaped you in so many other ways.

For instance, when you were a 10-week-old fetus, you started touching the walls of her womb. That’s how the unique ridges and patterns on your fingertips took shape. Three months before you were born your fingerprints were perfectly formed, providing a good way to forever identify you for who you are. Just another way she played a role in forming you into you. No wonder it’s so difficult to run away from her.

Here’s how you reset your relationship with your Mother
What a relief to realize it’s your current thinking about your mother that gets in your way to having a grown-up relationship with her. After she’s been vital to your survival as a child, it can feel life-threatening when she shames you with her words and lets you understand you’re not living up to her standards. Your brain wants to keep you safe by letting you still see yourself as a helpless, fearful child who must please her and seek her acceptance at all costs.

The fastest way to show your brain you’re all grown-up now and can take care of yourself is to change the way you look at your mother. Once you understand she’s just a human like you, this healthy detachment process gets easier. She’s fallible, she makes mistakes, she does it wrong. Just like you. The secret is to stop being a terrified child and no longer see her as a powerful being capable of ruining your life.

Two Surefire ways you’ll Know
How will you know you’ve truly stepped into this new role of being her equal? Here are two ways to measure your progress.

1. When you no longer think if only she loved me unconditionally my life will be so much better, but ask yourself these harder, but oh so freeing questions: How can I love HER unconditionally just as a fellow human? How can I love her as God loves her?
2. When you’re able to not take on the emotions she tries to put onto you as if you’re still a child and are able to separate your feelings from hers.
Take heed from the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 13: 11, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.”

Be a child no more, little bunny, learn to change your thoughts and beliefs about your mother. Step into the mature relationship God intended for you. Do the hard work of building this new relationship with your mother, because you’ll find it very rewarding. You see, once you’re interacting with her in this new way, you’ll be amazed to discover the loads of emotional and mental energy available to you.

DO THIS:
1. Write down one of your mother’s little faults or imperfections.
2. Remember a time in her life when she really messed up.
3. Think back of a time when she handled a situation really well.
4. Now repeat the process for yourself, by writing down one of your own imperfections.
5. Remind yourself of the time you made a big mistake.
6. Remember another time when you were so proud of yourself for the way you showed up in a difficult situation in your life.
7. Meditate on I John 1:7 (ESV): “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”
Risa Haasbroek is a certified life coach, who helps Christian women repair, restore and renew their relationships with their mothers. She offers coaching that’s effective, intelligent and honors your Christian world view.

CLICK HERE: https://risa4coaching.com/how-to-let-your-mothers-criticism-roll-off-you-back/

to register for Risa’s free online workshop with three techniques on how to deal better with your mother’s criticism.