Was Homeschooling Detrimental To My Daughter?

2020 was the year I decided to home school my 5th grade daughter. It was a stressful decision. I talked to other mothers in Christ for advice and direction. I’m the kind of perfectionist that needs everything to be in place, with a plan, so I can execute exactly as needed. Oh man, I got a punch to the gut on that personality trait.

I did a hybrid homeschooling system where my daughter is still technically a student at her school, but we stay home and I get to choose the curriculum I teach her. That was the biggest decision maker in all of this; that I get to teach her what I believe is best, but we still get guidance about standard subjects from the school district. In today’s school system, that has become a huge barrier for children and families coming to Christ. God is being taken out of everything in the school system. Things are being put in that I will not let society teach my children in the way they believe is necessary. As a christian, I will teach her those things the way the bible taught me about those things. And I refuse to teach her some of the things they mandate now. Not to mention, the amount of christian hate in society these days, it’s slowly creeping into the children at school.

What was really amazing was that the school still paid for everything. Any of the books I chose, equipment, supplies, etc. My spouse and I had been cut down to working part time so having it all paid for was a big blessing. However, the schools would not pay for any curriculum associated with religion. So there’s a few books my family helped me buy on our own.

Now came with the second hurdle: choosing which curriculum and books to buy. There’s an overwhelming amount of brands and companies out there for each school subject. I broke down into tears a few times. I knew to trust God, but at the same time, being inside that store with hundreds of books for one subject, I couldn’t even think properly. Some friends said one brand, the other said never to use that brand. So with being the lab rats that we are, this was a pretty important decision. In the back of my mind with every step so far, was always, “Don’t mess up your daughter and her education!”

The school issued us a hybrid teacher to check every week and make sure everything was going okay. That was also a big blessing. I don’t think I would’ve been able to get on track without her! She was incredible! She is also very encouraging when we tell her the christian books we were working from. She checked on each subject every week and loved that we were incorporating our own beliefs into our curriculum. I was pleasantly surprised. I thought for sure the school district would try to steer us away from using any religious curriculum. What was also helpful was that my daughter still got little interactions with students through zoom once a month. Talking about a book they read, or explaining an art piece they made, and even telling a new joke they found. I knew that was still a mentally healthy distance from everything.

Finding our groove with my teaching and my daughter’s learning took months. The year isn’t even over and I still pull my hair out at least once a week. She does too! Halfway through I broke down again because I overdid it. I just had too many books, supplies, etc. I tried to take on too much, and I failed. My daughter didn’t fail in gaining knowledge. I felt like I failed myself. The amount of stress I had, along with another 1 year old in the house, was immense. God let me know that this wasn’t the way it’s supposed to be and I need to reach out to someone. That’s just what I did. My close friend from our church small group every week, is a full time homeschooling mom of 11 years. I brought every book, piece of equipment, and our schedule and laid it all out in front of her. She laughed at first. She said, “how are you even functioning with all this?” I said, “I’m not!”. Haha. She let me know that I had taken on way too much. I had no idea. God did, and she did, but I was clueless. I needed everything to be perfect and didn’t want my daughter to miss out on anything. So my friend broke down all the subjects and gave me the books I really needed, and the ones I needed to return. I ended up with 4 of the books instead of 12. She told me that 30 minutes a day for each subject is all we need. Otherwise kids tune out and lose their ability to take in new information. I was doing 2 hours for each subject!! No wonder my daughter and I were losing our minds! I cried from the weight off my shoulders that night. She hugged me and told me that she was worried when she started too, but realized she had nothing to worry about. We were doing what’s best for our kids and God sees that and will never let us down. After her advice, things ran so much smoother that I couldn’t hug her long enough.

I’m now teaching my daughter how she learns best. She admitted to me that she’s learning more because I’m taking the time to teach her and explain things how it makes sense to her, and not how kids are “supposed to learn them”. Half-way through the year, my daughter took her MAP Washington state tests. I was extremely nervous. Then her test results came back. She improved by 99% in math!!! She is now in the highest percentile for math in the entire state. She was always in the average percentile before. She also improved in Reading. She’s 1 point from being in the highest percentile for reading as well. I was blown away. It shows you the graphs from all the previous grades. You see an average line gradually going up a little bit each grade. Then you get to the 5th grade, and the graph line shoots up like a cannon. I was so proud of her I cried. (yes clearly I’m emotional). She dropped her jaw at how well she did. The look on her face of joy, surprise, and pride, absolutely melted my heart. She’s very hard on herself, (wonder where she gets that from), so when she saw her grades, she finally believed me whenever I told her how smart she is.

There was a situation between my daughter and her friends that was delicate and she did not fully understand the thought processes of her friends. She came to me and told me everything and my heart broke. I had to explain to her that some people felt that certain things were mean and one sided. Everything she knew as good and pure was shaken and questioned. It was a situation about a topic that young girls shouldn’t be placing on each other. Because of this, I had to sit down with my daughter and explain to her a few of the terms that were used. A few big things for young girls growing up in school is bullying, comparing themselves to others, and body image, etc. So keeping her out of that vulnerable boxing ring is another reason for homeschooling. That innocent and naive heart she has is beautiful. I also had to explain that the world is going to begin hating Christians. She’s old enough to know that those words are from God in the Bible. And with the proof of those words, she always believes every word from God. I told her that homeschooling is a way for me to protect her from the damage that the devil uses to get others to cause harm to children and Christians. She became an even stronger Christian. A more solid, whole, secure, and faithful christian.

Homeschooling has elevated her education immensely, as well as hopefully protected her from the bullying that’s sneaking it’s way through as many platforms as it can. I know I’m not doing everything I possibly can to be the perfect teacher. But if God gives us grace, I need to give myself grace as well.

It’s been hard for my daughter to be able to separate my role of teacher vs. mother. The hormones she’s experiencing are definitely not helping. Sometimes the slamming of her door makes me feel like I’m failing. There’s so many things that can make a homeschooling mom feel like she’s failing. We’re not. Pray. Reach out to other moms. Don’t forget to set aside time for just yourself once in a while as well. My spouse definitely knows when to gather the kids and let me have some time to myself. Also, communication with your child(ren) is extremely important. Explaining the point of what your’e teaching, how it will improve their everyday life and how they will be able to use it in the future. It’s also nice to cut out the insanely confusing process of math these days. I showed her the simple way to multiply and divide and she improved in math by 99%! Haha. If you feel like you’re taking on too much, you probably are. Simplifying things is actually the easier way for you to teach, and easier for them to learn. God is on our side. Trust your kids. Trust yourself. And most importantly, Trust God.