Trust the Waiting

A month or so ago, I was finding myself in “the waiting.” Waiting for the answer from God. Waiting to watch a miracle. Simply waiting. I was watching as prayers were being answered here and there. Small things in a situation that would always let me know God was present even when it didn’t seem like it. I was just waiting.

I had been praying for healing for my son. Daily prayers of the promises of the Word. Spending time with God just conversing about His Word and His promises. I never once doubted that the mountain would not be moved. I was praising Him even when some were wondering why or even how I could lift my hands and give Him all of my hope. I did it because in the waiting, I was believing. Isn’t that what we are suppose to do when we are faced with situations that only He can change? Are we not suppose to trust the waiting and know that God has total control of the situation?

We read in the Bible that we should, “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” Psalm 27:14 (ESV).  He wants us to become strong in the waiting. He wants us to learn courage. When we can’t find hope in the world, we can take courage and find hope in Him while we are waiting. At the time, it sure didn’t feel like I was gaining anything but pain. My conversations/prayers revolved around the hope that I was holding on to every moment of the day. How could He be strengthening me?

I wish I could say this instance had a healing that we had prayed for; consequently, it did not. I never expected my son to meet Jesus face to face. I believed with all that I am that he was going to be healed on this side of heaven. But, in the end, Jesus took his hand and led him to the most beautiful place we will ever know.

Now, I am not writing this to draw on your sympathy. Please, stay with me here. In this waiting, I did grow stronger. I am not saying that I have not been a total blubbering, brokenhearted mess of a momma; because I have been. Most days I did good to get through it with one box of tissue. Nor am I saying that I am perfectly fine right now; because I am not. I am changed. My life is changed. My heart is changed. My faith is changed. In the waiting God was preparing me for these changes. He knew how broken I would be. He know how lonely my daughter-in-law would be. He knew how badly my grandbabies would miss daddy. He knew, so He did what He could to strengthen my faith, and even my soul. It was up to me to trust the waiting would be what God would deem to be best.

Without that strength, I honestly believe that I would still be curled up in a blubbering, depressed heap on my bed. Without that strength I know I would not be writing these words to encourage you. Without that strength I would not be continuing to share the hope and love of God to those, like me, need that bit of grace to get through the day after losing a loved one.

When we don’t have that hope and courage, we can so easily become lost in the dark abyss of grief. A place where the enemy wants us to stay. Remember, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.” John 10:10 (ESV) God did not intend to break my heart by taking my son home; on the contrary, that was the action of the enemy. What God did intend to do was to strengthen my heart so that I could remain in Him and continue to walk out my journey with Him.

As I press forward, I can see where God did a miracle in the waiting. He changed my heart so that I would be able to stand and encourage others who may find themselves broken and breathless. When I put my trust in that waiting, God did what He does best… He loved me and filled me with a courage that I could never find on my own.