Ask Dr. K

Dear Dr. K,

My husband has a fascination with auctions. Which would not be so bad if he did not bid on boxes of items just to get one thing. We then have tons of boxes in the shed full of “save for later” items that he hopes will be valuable someday. Some of these items make their way into the house and I am beside myself trying to find a suitable place for displaying them. I feel like I am in a prequel to a hoarders episode. Why would someone want to collect so much stuff that is not even usable? I feel like he is trying to accumulate items that he wanted as a young man or even as a child. This is driving me insane and I just don’t know how much longer I can take living with a man who would rather have hand-me-down boots instead of new ones that have a sole.

Sincerely,
Losing space and mind

Dear Losing space and mind

Having a spouse that is a “Pack rat” can definitely be frustrating and it sounds like you have run out of patience with your husband’s inability or refusal to throw things away. That, coupled with his love to continually collect more “stuff” can be a bit much. So what do you do? My biggest suggestion is agreeing on what’s his space, what’s your space, and what’s a shared family space. Instead of having the constant bickering on all the things he continues to buy or not throw away, create a space just for his “stuff”. Once his space is full, his space is full. Allow his space to be his space. You no longer have to monitor what is in his space. No longer concerned about what he buys, or refuses to throw away, your freedom is allowing his space to be just that, his.. Next, pick a weekend a month, where the two of you tidy, purge, or clean the spaces together. Understand he is the “master’ of his space. His space can be as packed as he wants. Your space can be as empty as you want. The shared space is shared but a place where both of you can incorporate some of your things, and some of his trinkets from years past and the new ones he continues to purchase. The shared space is the space for toiletries, blankets, and other household items that are shared. I hope this helps.Hopefully it will alleviate future arguments by allowing each of you to enjoy your spaces. Both of you can just pile junk or whatever your heart’s desire in your own spaces. Happy “space making”.