Choose Kindness Over Bitterness

If you are like me, you are dealing with pain right now in some area of life. Being a Christian doesn’t preclude us from being subjected to the circumstances of life that cause sorrow and pain. John 16:33 (The Message) says, “In this Godless world, you will continue to experience difficulties.” Much as we’d like to avoid the difficulties, they rear their ugly heads far too often. 

I once knew a woman who was so bitter and angry over all of life’s hurts that she was just plain rude to everyone. The clerk at the grocery store became a target of cutting remarks when there was a glitch at checkout. The bank teller felt the sting of money being snatched out of her hand. Living in a small community meant that everyone knew who she was and tried to duck her when she walked toward them at the Post Office and other places. Why the bitterness? Teen pregnancy changed the course of her life, and rather than continue to pursue her dreams as a mom; she shelved them. Every person she encountered represented a life she might have had if not for an unexpected pregnancy and marrying young. While everyone understood her pain, the unkind attitude was too much for people to handle.

Bitterness is defined as anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly or carrying the perception of being treated unfairly. The Bible says the rain falls on the just and the unjust. (Matthew 5:45). On this side of heaven, there will be many instances in life when we are rained on unjustly. It’s normal to ask the ‘why’ questions and express anger, even anger at God for allowing such injustice. Responses such as anger are a part of the grief cycle, and whether recognized or not, there’s always a component of grief when loss happens. The key is to seek help through the grieving process and find healing so bitterness doesn’t set in and unkindness. 

Consider this example of someone who had every reason to be bitter yet has chosen a better way. I have a friend who was a roofer. One day he had a horrible accident that left him paraplegic and nearly ended his life. He’s fought the onslaught of medical issues, physical challenges, changes to his lifestyle, his marriage, and his family. Yet, much like Joni Erikson Tada, he continues to be a beacon of light to everyone around him. If anything, he views life as a precious gift and lives every day to the fullest, spreading kindness to those he encounters. 

Another example is that of a young couple I know has experienced the pain of child loss on several occasions. From the world’s standards, it would be understandable if they refrained from interacting with other young families, given the severity of their grief. Yet, I’ve watched over the years as they’ve continued attending baby showers and congratulating others as their babies are born. I’ve observed their choice to be kind to all of those around them while dealing with seemingly insurmountable odds themselves. They’ve opted to seek grief counseling and find the healing they need, which allows them to be kind to others rather than bitter. 

If you struggle to be kind to others, is it possible that bitterness has started to take root in your heart? Is there a time you can recall feeling like the rain of injustice fell on you? Someone got a promotion, and you were passed by, or perhaps someone wronged you somehow? 

It is impossible to demonstrate kindness at the same time as harboring bitterness. Is there someone you need to forgive? A loss you need to grieve? Your heavenly Father desires to bring healing to your heart which will allow you to show love and kindness to others genuinely. The process of healing is not one I can write a formula for and not something gained from reading a quick article. While it may be the catalyst causing you to recognize there is a need, I recommend you reach out to the pastor of your local church for counsel. “Heavenly Father, I pray for the reader of this article. I pray you provide the counsel needed if there are any roots of bitterness or feelings of injustice lingering deep within that prohibit feelings of genuine kindness toward others. Lord, I am grateful you love each of us with an everlasting love and extend grace. May each of us learn to be kind enough to extend the same grace to others.”