Does Jesus Expect Me to Love My Enemies?

I’ve loved Valentine’s Day for as long as I can remember. I credit this fondness to the activities surrounding the holiday during my childhood. My mother would bake heart-shaped sugar cookies and frost them with generous doses of red and pink icing. My younger sister and I would craft window decorations from heart-shaped doilies and attach red foil stickers to add a little pizazz to the delicate shapes. And then there was the old shoe box my mother covered in white tissue paper and hearts, then cut a slit in the top so my classmates could deposit their cards. Although it may seem juvenile my favorite color is and always has been pink. Perhaps that, combined with my love of flowers and chocolate, also contributes to my great affection for this time of year.

I recently ran across some interesting statistics surrounding February 14th. It’s estimated that 6 million couples will get engaged on Valentine’s Day this year. According to Hallmark, 145 million Valentine’s cards will be given, excluding the ones that children exchange in school. The National Retail Foundation shared that in 2020, $2.4 billion was spent on candy. Now, that’s a lot of chocolate! Looking at those numbers it would be easy to assume that mid-February is rife with love.

Yet with all the cards, candy, and carnations, I think we can all agree that relationships are difficult regardless of the day or month. Challenging, to say the least—especially demonstrating love when our feelings are hurt or when we feel rejected. Loving those who have hurt us is impossible in our strength. Yet, that’s exactly what Jesus has called us to do.

In Matthew 5:44 he taught, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” This must have boggled the minds of the crowds gathered around him just as it confounds people in our modern world. It’s a concept that is others-focused and certainly counter-cultural.

As Christian women, we are to be characterized by the love of Christ because he first loved us (1 John 4:19). He loved us at our worst and died while we were still sinners, enemies of God (Romans 5:8, 10). May we never forget how love was bestowed on us at our deepest point of desperation. You see, by instructing us to love our enemies, Jesus is asking us to follow His example.

So, what exactly does it look like to love our enemies? What about the times we’ve been cut to the core by gossip? Or when we’ve experienced gut-wrenching betrayal? Or when it seems like revenge is the best or only option?

Consider the words of the Apostle John in 1 John 4:16, “God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”

The answer to loving our enemies is answered in four words. God abides in us. God, who is the definition of love has taken up residence in our hearts. He gives us the grace and strength of His presence so that we can freely love those who have wounded us and resist the temptation for revenge.

Practically speaking, you will know you are walking in love when you can genuinely pray for the other person. I don’t mean that God will strike them with lightning. Rather ask God to arrange for that person to have an encounter with Him. Pray for the Lord to reveal who He is to them. That’s what changed you. That’s what can change them.

Another earmark of loving our enemies is refraining from gossip. Simply put, resist the temptation to gab. God is not glorified by it nor is He pleased when we attempt to exalt ourselves above another person. Perhaps your mother used to say, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” That’s a good rule to live by.

Loving our enemies is difficult, but God’s abiding presence enables us to live in humble obedience to Him. That humble spirit is the foundation on which forgiveness can take shape so we can follow our Lord’s example and love our enemies.

***Someone reading this may be dealing with unimaginable heartache. I have also walked through some incredibly dark, agonizing seasons. During those times, I have enlisted help to live Biblically in the area of forgiveness which is the key component to loving our enemies. That help has been in the form of a pastor who consistently reminded me of God’s love for me and His mercy toward me. A Christian counselor who helped me acknowledge the depth of the hurt so I could process the pain. Friends who have faithfully prayed for me and with me and have lent their shoulders to catch my tears. I encourage anyone that is struggling to reach out to trusted, godly people to help you work through any hurt, anger, and bitterness that you may be wrestling with. Invite God to use His people to minister healing to Your heart.