Finding Fulfillment In Motherhood

Someone once told me that motherhood is the toughest job I would ever love. I would have to agree that this is an accurate statement, but I almost feel like there should be a caveat included somewhere in that thought. The statement is not a one size fits all. It seems to exclude the mothers who are having such a tough time to the point where they do not love motherhood. If I am being honest, there are times when I also find the tough job of motherhood not so lovable. As I thought about the moments when I felt this way, I was compelled to examine myself and determine why this was the case. After deep introspection, I realized that there are four key components to making the most of a fulfilling motherhood:

Take time to be alone.
This may sound selfish to some people, but it is very necessary for one’s mental health. When Jesus was on this earth, “He would withdraw to desolate places and pray.” (Luke 5:16 ESV). I noticed that this was immediately after performing miracles such as healing the sick and managing relentless crowds of people. Jesus needed time to recharge and gain spiritual and emotional strength. What better way to do this than to spend time with His Heavenly Father in prayer! As a mother of two young boys, I find that I am often exhausted. My devotional time alone in the mornings is integral to a successful outcome for my day. I find a comfortable space in my home, usually my closet, and I just reflect on my life, my goals, and my accomplishments. I ask God for guidance and discernment as a mother and I rely on Him for understanding. I thank God for His mercies that never run out. “They are new every morning.” (Lamentations 3:23a ESV). God hits the reset button for me and I can begin my day with a clean slate. Whatever you decide to do during your alone time is completely up to you, but it should be something that is edifying, refreshing, and meaningful. It should not include work, even if it means sitting in a chair and collecting your thoughts. When you decompress, you are better equipped to handle whatever comes your way. Self-care is very important and should not be neglected. It affords you the opportunity to become a better and happier version of you so that you can be happier for your family.

Establish order & discipline in your home.
Children need consistency as well as discipline as they are growing into adulthood. This is necessary in order for your household to run as smoothly as possible. One thing I have noticed is that children will try to push their limits just to see how far they can go. In other words, they want to see how far you will allow them to go. If I am not firm and consistent, they will continue to push in an effort to bend the rules and get their own way. Children need clearly defined rules and reinforcement of those rules so that they understand that these rules do not change from moment to moment. The Bible admonishes us to “train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6 ESV). I also find it necessary to establish boundaries. Children need to understand that there is a time and a place for everything. If I am on the phone or engaged in a conversation, it is inappropriate for them to interrupt. If I am working or taking a moment to relax, they need to respect that time (unless there is an emergency). Once I establish boundaries and rules for my children, it is then my responsibility to firmly enforce consequences for not obeying the rules. In due time, this will alleviate much of the chaos inside of the home.

Laugh and play with your children.
“All work and no play,…(fill in the blank)” Many times I do not realize the impact my mood has on the status of my household. If my spouse and children see me as serious for most of the day, it may cause tension and uneasiness in my home. However, if I am jovial and lighthearted, it lifts the spirits of those around me. In my home, I play music throughout the day. It creates a friendly environment and I can see that my two boys are happy. I often sing and dance with them and often times we share silly moments that make us laugh. Children are free-spirited and they need permission to be themselves. They should not be forced to act like adults. There is something very special and sacred about children. Jesus said “Let the children come to me…for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14 ESV). Although His disciples saw the children as a nuisance, Jesus recognized their innocence and drew a parallel between having child-like faith and entering the kingdom of heaven. Showing my playful side to my children goes a long way.

Stop being so hard on yourself.
I set high standards for myself. I feel as though this will take me to the next level and allow me to achieve my goals. I also have the tendency of setting unrealistic expectations for myself which often leaves me feeling defeated and deflated at the end of the day; especially if I cannot accomplish every task on my “to do list.” As a mother, my days are filled with my own tasks, tasks for my children, tasks for the household, and sometimes tasks for my spouse. I have to take a step back and realize that not everything can be accomplished in one day. There are many times when the tasks from one day will be carried over to the next day – and that is okay! There are days when I am not going to have it all together, but I know that I can trust God to “keep [me] in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him” (Isaiah 26:3 ESV). I just have to remind myself to stop looking at others as a standard and just look to God who is the source of my strength.

Once I started concentrating on these four components that were missing from my life, my family and I witnessed an instant change for the better in our home; and I began to find an appreciation as well as the blessing in motherhood. I challenge you to do the same and watch your perspective change as you find fulfillment in motherhood.