Following My Human Desires
For seven years I was told that I was intolerant of gluten, corn, dairy, peanuts, and egg whites. So I did my best to stay away from them. Sometimes, though, I was somewhere and people were eating peanuts, it seemed my throat would start to close up. I began to carry antihistamines with me at all times. If I got a headache after eating I would study all the labels and find that I had missed corn or a byproduct. If I had dairy, I would start itching from the inside out. And gluten, well, I would swell and itch. Why did I have these reactions and for so long? Because a doctor told me I was intolerant and the internet or people with real allergies, said these were the reactions to be had.
The mind is a funny thing. Have you ever heard, “Your mind is playing tricks on you?”
We usually say this to someone who claims to have seen something when nothing is there. The phrase, “your mind is playing tricks on you,” isn’t scientific terminology, but cognitive distortion is a way your mind “plays tricks”on you. Cognitive distortion means distorted thinking. It happens automatically when your brain processes your surrounding environment.
I knew that when a person had an allergic reaction to peanuts, their throat closed up, but it started with tingling and something not feeling right. I’ll give you an example; I was at a funeral, where they served chicken salad sandwiches. I had already eaten said sandwich when I found out Chick-fil-A had made them. I know that Chick-fil-A fries in peanut oil. I also know that their chicken salad is made from day-old chicken that is breaded and fried. I was completely fine until I heard Chick-fil-A. Then my brain started to process: breaded chicken fried in peanut oil. PEANUTS! Immediately I felt my throat closing. We said our good-byes and got me home as fast as possible. I lived my life literally in fear of eating peanuts or being around peanuts!
Fast forward to the end of 2018. I had another asthma attack and the local clinic told me that I needed to find an allergy/asthma doctor. Being in a new town, I didn’t know who to call so I used Google. Lucky for me the doctor I found was taking new patients and could see me right after the first of the year. The first question the old school doctor asked after looking at my completed questionnaire: “Who told you were allergic to all these things?” I corrected him and told him I was intolerant of them. As if he didn’t hear me, he repeated his question. I then responded with, ”my chiropractor did.” This new to me, doctor asked a few more questions, like was I allergic prior to that and did I ever have any problems eating these foods. I answered that I had never had a problem. He then told me that I was NOT allergic or intolerant to those foods and that I was welcome to eat whatever I like.
I left that appointment excited, scared, and extremely upset all at the same time. I was excited that I didn’t have to read food labels anymore and could eat what I wanted. I was scared because what if he was wrong? (I’ll admit peanuts were not the first food I reintroduced into my body.) Why was I extremely upset? Because I took this other doctor’s word for so many years without question. Did I lose a lot of weight? Yes, but for months I cried every time I went to the grocery store. Reading every can label to make sure there wasn’t one of the allergens and/or its byproducts. I also didn’t have the money to spend on upgraded food that was free of gluten, corn, dairy, egg whites and peanuts.
But all of that is just the backstory to what I really want to say. I remember calling my husband and telling him I was free to eat what I wanted. He asked where I would like to go to lunch and I said to eat real pizza. My second call was to God. I remember to this day sitting in my car, thanking God for my new-found freedom. I also prayed, Now, Lord, as I eat all these new foods, please don’t let me gain any weight. Let’s just say that God didn’t answer that prayer and why would He? I literally have pictures of me celebrating my first slice of pizza with a Coke. My first filet-o-fish and Coke from McDonald’s. My first pancakes doused in syrup. The list goes on and on.
Because the mind is a very powerful thing, I still stayed away from anything with peanuts, until a PB&J sandwich just sounded too delectable to resist. I am writing this, so you know I didn’t perish from my throat closing. Unfortunately, that then opened up the possibilities of going to Logan’s Roadhouse and Chick-fil-A for a number 1 on the menu and a lemonade. Twenty pounds heavier I find myself regretting every bad meal choice I made. Those choices have now added up into a habit that I am having a hard time overcoming, but that too is another story for later. To finish, I want to talk about obedience after praying.
God had given me a freedom that was abruptly taken away in 2012. I lived my life being obedient to a diet that would prevent death, itching, or headaches. I didn’t do it for any reason other than for personal gain. And when I did eat something I shouldn’t have, I paid the price. Migraine, an upset stomach that kept me in the bathroom or knocked out cold on vacation from a double dose of antihistamine, simply from using a towel that had peanut dust on it.
As I have grown in my relationship with the Lord there is one major thing I have learned, especially when I pray for myself and I have some control. Why would God answer a prayer (for example, don’t let me gain weight), when the first thing I do is eat and eat and eat some more. Instead my prayer should have been, Lord, thank you for my new found freedom. Give me the strength to say no. Give me the strength to still make healthy choices. May I eat food in moderation instead of making up for seven years of loss. Lord, give me strength.
Every day is a choice as you pray and ask God to guide and direct your path. But with that prayer, you also have to decide: are you going to be obedient to what God would have you do or live another day following your human desires?
