God’s Unique Path for Our Teens

God’s unique path for our teens

Several years ago I was asked to speak at an event for parents and their high school students, who were getting ready to graduate. The topic was organizational tools that the students could utilize to be successful in college.

At the time my children were not teenagers yet and I thought, okay, how hard can this be? I found some tools I thought would be useful and created my presentation.

The day of the presentation, I arrived early and got set up. I said some prayers and started talking. As I looked around the large auditorium I noticed the looks of skepticism from the parents and guardians. I was unaccustomed to that reaction at a speaking event and didn’t understand it.

After I was done presenting we headed into Q&A. The hands were fast and furious. I was hammered with question after question. They wanted to know how their children would stay on task and be motivated without them there to guide them. They wanted to know how their children would get up and go to class without sleeping through alarms.

I was honestly stunned by this and struggled to answer their questions. I couldn’t understand these concerns because I wasn’t there yet. I thought surely by 18 I should be able to trust my child to take on their day-to-day responsibilities without my involvement.

Well, I’m here now and I GET IT. My daughter was easy breezy. She has always set alarms, taken responsibility for herself and her grades, and I have never had to intervene in this way with her.

But then my son came along. Wow, a different story. Today as I write this I am begging my son to get up and get to school. I am ready to resort to bribery, yes bribery of a 16-year-old to get him up and moving, which he should be doing on his own!

So, how do we help them? How do we move them forward and guide them without giving up?

First and foremost, we need to acknowledge that our relationship with them has changed, and our mindset needs to change along with it. Our role as they become teens evolves to be more of a coach. We guide them and support them but we don’t do it for them. This can be a hard change, as sometimes we have to let them fail. It hurts our hearts, but as the saying goes “it’s for their own good.”

Second we must recognize that our children are not all the same. While it has become evident that my daughter is ready for the next chapter of life and that move toward adulthood, it is also blatantly obvious that my son is not. And that’s okay. They are not the same person; God has them each on their own unique path.

I have faith that my son will experience success, but it will not be in the same way that my daughter will. As a parent that can be a hard pill to swallow, but once you truly comprehend that you can help them focus on God’s plan for their respective lives. They are still looking to you for guidance, they are looking to you for approval, they are looking to you for respect, and most importantly they are looking to you for love. Remember that this time in their lives is not only a challenge for you, but it is a challenge for them. It is not easy making that transition toward adulthood.

They will test you (quite often) but remember that is part of the process. Help them by always reminding them they are loved. Remind them that you are there to listen and you are there to guide. Do this without judgement because while you may not agree with all of their choices it is important to give them the freedom to make choices as they get older.

Trust them and trust God to help get you and your teen through these challenging years. Lean on other parents for support. You’ve got this! You and your teen will get through this!