Hope for the Hurting with Dr. Mel

“Hope When You Can’t be with Your Loved One Diagnosed with COVID”

As one year turns into two of the COVID-19 pandemic, families, and friends, continue to struggle when contact with the loved one is restricted. The sudden shock of seeing your loved one being rushed to the hospital with COVID is often devastating. Being restricted from visiting a loved one in a care facility is equally as emotionally taxing. The pandemic has complicated the shock and grief because of restrictions of how many people (if any) can visit the loved one. 

We find hope in recognizing that our omnipresent God is there with the loved one and present with us. His abiding presence is always with them and us. Knowing God is with a loved one is comforting; however, practical steps still must be taken. 

Getting Updated Information

The situation warrants being proactive with the medical team. The first step is to determine who the family spokesperson will be. Having a single spokesperson helps avoid mixed messages between the medical team and the family. If your loved one is very sick, their condition and required treatment may change frequently, and it is best to have one primary point of contact. 

While your loved one is still in ER being assessed, calling and asking for a status report is appropriate. Once your loved one has transferred from ER to ICU or a designated floor, the medical staff should call to discuss your loved one’s condition. Depending on the specific hospital, staffing, and patient load, there may be limited availability to speak with you. Be sure to leave messages. If no one calls you back, continue being persistent in calling the last known department your loved one was located. 

Peace in the Waiting

The waiting period can be a time of extreme anxiety and stress. Hope is found in praying for the peace of God to flood the soul of you, your loved one, as well as family and friends. John 14:27 (NIV) provides comfort to us in times where peace is needed. “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.” Accept God’s free gift of peace and let it create a calm spirit within you amid the storm. 

Beyond Day One

Practically speaking, the designated family spokesperson can request to be a ‘MyChart’ proxy. MyChart is the means of obtaining and communicating information regarding the medical status of your loved one. 

When the designated spokesperson calls to talk with a nurse on the floor each day, I recommend sharing a brief (2 minutes) story about your loved ones. Personalizing your loved one to the team helps them see your loved one differently. Remember, you cannot be there, artwork from kids and grandkids is not on the wall, and flowers are not in the room. Providing stories to those giving care humanizes your loved one and often translates to better care. 

How to Stay in Contact with Loved Ones

Hopefully, the medical team will offer to create a way for you to see your loved one. If not, be firm about asking for the effort to be made. Audio is excellent during normal circumstances, but emotions during times of crisis are soothed with video calls. My friend was allowed to ‘see’ her mom each day while she was hospitalized. (This may be more difficult during pandemic peaks). Most nurses are tech-savvy and have facility iPads available to use. FaceTime is an option for family members who have Apple devices. Zoom is another option to use across all types of devices. If your loved one is unable to communicate, there is still comfort to both of you if video calling is employed.


Life Becomes a Daze

Depending on your hospital, when your loved one gets to a point in their recovery, they may be transferred to a step-down unit, weaning unit, or another part of the hospital. They may later move to a rehab facility before coming home. Once home, there will undoubtedly be a need for continued care. One day can easily roll into the next, and life can become a bit of a daze. 

While keeping in touch with your loved one and the medical team, it is important to practice self-care. First and foremost, you must dig deep spiritually and allow the Lord to pour into you and strengthen you. He has promised you His strength. He will not give you a trial that you cannot handle with His help. Isaiah 41:10 (ESV) says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” 

Once you’ve had your spiritual nourishment, ensure that you eat healthy foods and give your body the physical rest you need. Even though family members are typically restricted from visiting during the pandemic, they can wrestle with guilt that they let a loved one down in their time of need. Be intentional in keeping your immune system strong, praying throughout your day, listening to Christian music, and intentionally engaging in physical activity to decrease the stress in your body. 

Pray for Your Loved One’s Healing

There is always hope, no matter how dire the situation looks. Your loved one is in the palm of God’s hand. As much as you love (fill in the name), God’s love is even more intense. There is power in prayer. Gather your prayer support team and have them pray without ceasing for your loved ones. I have prayed for and witnessed many recoveries of people who were given little probability of survival or complete recovery. Here’s a sample prayer I pray often. “Dear Lord, You are the Great Physician. I choose to believe what you say in the Bible, not the report of doctors. While they are experts, they are still limited. I pray for your divine healing power to heal ____. It is you who has the power to heal all manner of sickness, including COVID and all its ramifications. I pray that you intervene this very day. Give the doctors and medical team wisdom. Be with ___ and give peace and a calm assurance you are sustaining and healing in this situation. I thank you and pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

If you are reading this and have dealt with or are currently dealing with the trauma of being separated from a loved one diagnosed with COVID, please know you are not alone. Many families are facing similar circumstances. I pray you connect with them both to give and receive support. Finally, know that God loves you. He knows the pain of separation you feel. You are not alone, and His grace is sufficient for you in your hour of need.