Odd Man Out

ODD MAN OUT

If one’s different, one’s bound to be lonely.
Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

Do you ever feel as if the world is passing you by? People are scurrying here and there, having fun with their friends. Families with strong bonds are having get-togethers, laughing, talking, strengthening the bond. Mothers are having outings with daughters, all so grateful to be together, singing each others praises. Friends are going on camping weekends, sitting around a bonfire in the evening, chattering of the latest headlines of the day. Old high school mates are gathering at peoples homes or local establishments to catch up and continue the long-held friendships. These experiences and many others just like them are played out across social media at any given moment of the day. All one has to do is scroll through Facebook and it won’t take long to see that particular group of friends doing things to which you were not invited. You glance through the pictures to see who was invited, who are the ones in the in-crowd. Who are the cool ones that get invited to everything? What sets them apart from you? And then the age old question comes into play – what is wrong with me?

These are the moments that takes you back to childhood once again. You are standing in a line with all of your classmates. The teacher picks two captains of the teams with the instructions they are to take turns selecting their teams. You cringe inside because you know this day will be no different from all the others. Your classmates know you are not athletic in any sort of way, not even on your best day. The choices are made, one by one, down the line. The selected teammates line up beside their captain, until just you and your disabled friend are left standing there. She nods at you knowingly and you nod at her. This is not the first time the two of you have been left standing there. You know all too well this feeling of being left out, excluded, not part of the in group.

Each time you encounter the feeling, you begin to analyze yourself. Where do I not measure up? What have I not done enough of to be considered for an invite? Don’t these people know I would do anything for them? Any time they need a listening ear, I am always here. When they are in need of prayer, I am the first they seek out. If they need a favor, I am there. I lend them money when they need it. I work tirelessly in their groups. There is nothing I would not do for them. So, where is the disconnect?

At times, even when you are invited, you can be sitting in a room full of friends and feel totally alone. You are the one who gets cut off in conversations, talked over, as if you are a ghostly apparition they cannot see. Conversations happen around you of things you have no frame of reference for, and your lack of reference matters not. Talk is made of past events for which you were not present, just as talk is made of future events to which you will not be invited. You are not alone, and yet you are.

Each time it happens, you withdraw into yourself, sometimes in thought, sometimes in tears. You never express yourself to others, that would betray your feelings of envy and jealousy. So, you suffer silently, all the while putting on that smile as if it doesn’t matter – but it does. You know it, God knows it. He is the only one who knows your deepest thoughts and why you feel the way you do.

God wants you to know, my friends, if you have placed yourself in His hands, it is He who chooses your friends. He chooses your invitations. Not all are beneficial for you. Not all all for His glory. You are cherished. You are treasured. Therefore, you are not being left out, you are being protected.

My friend, God is the designer of our lives if we allow Him to be. He does not make mistakes. He surrounds us with the people and the experiences that we need to grow and those we help facilitate in their growth. Trust Him in this process, for therein lies great inner peace. Sometimes you have to fly solo for a while to strengthen your wings. Don’t seek favor from what was never meant to be. When you come to the end of your life, what is it you wish people to say of you? We had such a good time with her? Or, she helped to bring change to my life?

The next time you find yourself being left out, thank God for caring enough to save your time for far better things in the Kingdom. Instead of being the odd one out, you, my beloved, are a Heavenly insider.

Proverbs 18:24 – One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.