S T O N E S
What Stone Will You Let Jesus Roll Away Today?
May 22nd, 2023
DIVORCE: the Talk of the Town
Luke 24:2, ‘But they found the stone rolled away from the tomb.’ (NKJV)
“I love the imagery of the stone that covered Jesus’ tomb rolling away when He defeated death. The reality is, we all have stones in our lives…but the good news is: Jesus Christ rolls stones away!” (Christine Caine)
I remember the emotion I had when I was going through my divorce years ago. We belonged to a decent-sized church in a small town where everyone knew more about our relationship than we did. For a brief time, we were the talk of the town. I was so convinced that the sin and shame of our failed marriage would cause God to turn His back—and His face—from me for life.
I was seeing a Christian counselor at the time, and she said impactful words to me. She said, yes, God of course disliked (hated) divorce, but what people who once loved each other did to one another and the reasons people get divorced, He dislikes (hates) even more; that while God is saddened by divorce, He is even more saddened by broken relationships. And that’s what a divorce is: a marriage that is irretrievably broken.
What sad words those are: irretrievably busted. Anything broke is blemished, right? Whether financially, in disrepair, defective or shattered in lots of pieces, something broke needs fixed—or thrown away, discarded. Even though her explanation helped me, and I knew we could no longer stay in our marriage the way it had become, I still felt marked. In fact, it would take many years to not feel as if I was labeled, as if I bore a capital ‘D’ inscribed on my forehead that stood for ‘Divorcee’ or ‘Damaged’ or ‘Dinged’. In fact, sometimes in churches, divorced people have their own category of small groups and lots of apps and websites cater to those who are trying to ‘get back out there again’. Once divorced, it is quite difficult to ever feel as if the stain will ever go away, and there are whispers that trail behind you, conversations which immediately press pause when you walk into a room, and many of your friends who will soon forget your number. Bearing the ‘Divorce’ label excludes one from many invitations and gatherings, and it is easier to isolate than to put yourself out there to the people you once considered friends. Divorce changes many things.
But it does not mean that life is over, nor does it mean a Holy God will turn Himself from those of us who come through and out of fragmented marriages. I believe in the grand scheme of things we have a Heavenly Father Who is unsurprised at the outcome, but Who is moved by the significance of loss. I think a person who survives divorce is very brave, and there is no simple way to overcome the tainted and trashed trust, or the bitter taste left behind in our mouths.
There is a multitude of reasons why divorces occur in relationships, whether abuse or interrupted by addiction or infidelity or lack of communication and honesty. Sometimes two people refuse to grow together, so therefore, they grow apart or outgrow one another. Often, two people have grown up completely differently from one another, bearing scars and lessons from culturally conflicting childhoods, and now two are attempting to become one. Being unequally-yolked is no ‘yoke’ either, and it suddenly becomes apparent, there is no way forward to raise children or make unified decisions or frame a uniform future while wavering between opinions which come from two opposing perspectives.
No matter what, relationships are difficult even when steeped in the most perfect of climates, under the best of circumstances. Try making a successful marriage with two individuals deeply seated in their own ways, especially when the hairy conversations of how to resolve conflicts and how to properly disagree and how to “how to’s” never were discussed prior to exchanging vows.
I am certain that our God fully understands our predicaments, and I also think He is prepared for them. He isn’t sitting on His cloud-white puffy comfy couch, wringing His hands in angst that your marriage or mine suffers or is struggling or has utterly failed. He is completely aware of what has befallen our most intimate of relationships, and while I believe He desires healing and repair for such, He more than anyone comprehends that impossibility in the human heart and through the lens of mankind. In fact, since the beginning of time, humanity is wrought with our inability to forgive and co-exist and work together and become one; thus, the gift of God’s Son Jesus Who died on the cross to save us from ourselves. Therefore, I believe He opens wide His arms for us to crawl into when our dreams have died and our marriages are lost, buried in the rubble, and our trust is obliterated. He is there for you and for me and for our ex’s, and the new relationships that may eventually come into our lives and theirs. There is a great deal of pain, and if anyone tells you that divorce is easy, to just get over it, they do not comprehend the depth of what you are going through. In fact, divorce goes on for a lifetime; it lasts forever and affects everyone around, not just the two people who have fallen apart. BUT GOD! He will roll away the stones of guilt and shame and unforgiveness if you will let Him.
Isaiah 58:9b-12, ‘If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people’s sins, if you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight. I will always show you where to go. I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—firm muscles, strong bones. You’ll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.’ (MSG)
“IT IS FINISHED!”
