S T O N E S
What Stone Will You Let Jesus Roll Away Today?
May 8th, 2023
ABANDONMENT: Left Behind
(based upon a true story)
Luke 24:2, ‘But they found the stone rolled away from the tomb.’ (NKJV)
“I love the imagery of the stone that covered Jesus’ tomb rolling away when He defeated death. The reality is, we all have stones in our lives…but the good news is: Jesus Christ rolls stones away!” (Christine Caine)
Huge tears dribbled down his cheeks and made rain droplets on the tabletop next to where his chin was perched in his palms. His mouth quivered and the natural blue of his eye turned stormy, navy, like dinghies on white-capped seas. When he spoke, his words shuddered, like a child trying to confess. ‘I don’t have a birth certificate.’ I had to strain to hear him; he whispered. ‘I was that kid. I don’t know…maybe you heard about me,’ he sighed. His grief was snacking on the memories.
‘What? Wait a minute! Huh?’ I heard myself ask. The truth hovered on the words that next fell from his lips. I wanted to pull him into a momma-heart hug; his vulnerability diminished him to the size of a very small boy.
“I was kidnapped when I was little.’ He said it like a confession. ‘They caught my kidnapper eventually. He went to prison. I went to foster care.’ He sighed again; like a chasm, it was so big and deep, I could’ve gotten lost in it. I repeated myself, ‘What? Wait a minute! Why didn’t you go home? Where were your parents?’ The question fell out before I could stop them. Best thing to do now is just go with it, I thought to myself. I asked innocently, wincing at my lack of tact. ‘Why did you go to foster care instead of going home?’
He shrugged and turned aside; I felt him slip away. He was done talking. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know who my real parents are. I grew up in the system. It’s okay,’ he added quickly, swiping at unspent tears. ‘I had some really good people care for me; do things for me they didn’t have to. I wasn’t their responsibility, after all.’ He didn’t mention all the things done to him by bad people, things he didn’t have to endure, but he did all the same. He was quickly becoming my hero. He had great grit, a knack for stamina and stick-to-it-tive-ness. He cleared his throat and stood up abruptly like he was heading out. I wanted to hang on to this moment perhaps forever.
‘Wait!’ I shouted, then thought better of it. Quieter, I murmured, ‘Wait. I have some stuff for you that might help you.’ I started reaching for all my resources I had at my fingertips; things that would help him get on his feet since I was one of the first faces he saw since he had walked off the prison bus. He held up a hand. And a smile. ‘I’m okay, ma’am,’ he said silently. ‘I’m sure there are plenty who need this far more than me. You’ve already helped so much. Thanks for helping me get a place to stay. I won’t let you guys down. I promise.’ I wanted to grab his hand. I didn’t want him to go just yet. Before me, stood solitary solidarity in the shadow where once a forgotten child had been discarded. A bucket of tears welled up in my soul, unshed, uncried like sand on the shore. I entwined my hands behind my back because I didn’t trust them.
His eyes were huge as he turned to say good-bye. ‘I don’t like asking for help,’ he admitted quietly. ‘I don’t think it’s anyone else’s job to help me.’ No, I wanted to reply, but I held my tongue, so I just heard my words in my head. You don’t think anyone will show up for you. Why would you think someone would since no one has before? If you don’t have any hope or expectation, then you can’t be let down. You can’t be left again. Don’t put yourself there and you won’t be thrown away. Instead, I nodded, my hands still caught behind me. We’ll show him, I thought to myself.
I reached in my drawer and grabbed a backpack, quickly adding any additional resource I could grab fast that would fit. ‘Requirement of my job: make sure everyone leaves with one of these. Take it. Whatever you can’t use, give to someone else.’ He’d need everything encased therein. I’d earn his trust. Someday. It might take a while, but I would; we would. We’d show him what it was like to be cared for by people who wanted nothing in return. Break my heart for what breaks Yours, Lord, I whispered inside, tasting my tears like hot tea and honey, comforting. When I looked up, he was smiling. He had a great smile, like he was used to using it. He had a lot to give away too.
He is just one of hundreds of thousands that get abandoned by someone they should have been able to trust. The longevity of the bitter lesson one faces after having been left sometimes leaves scars for lifetimes. I should know; my own children have struggled with painful wounds remaining from feelings of abandonment most of their lives since their dad and I divorced, and I was the one who left—for a myriad of reasons. It doesn’t matter what words I use today; the result is still the same. I believe it is a stone that only Jesus can roll away.“IT IS FINISHED!”
