Surviving Childhood Trauma and Abuse – Recognize

5 Powerful Keys

Key 1: Recognize

Quick question: Have you ever hopped on Google to search for help for healing from abuse only to find so many possible solutions that you ended up feeling worse than you did before you started to search for an answer?

Or how about this scenario…

You call your pastor, mentor or counselor seeking to be seen, safe, supported and guided for how to deal with the recurring pain of abuse and you leave feeling frustrated, angry, discouraged, and defeated?

Oftentimes, searching for a solution from resources we think have the answers only exacerbates the problem at hand.   Not necessarily because of any hurtful motive they have, but because many, if not most, counselors and pastors have little or no training in healing from chronic complex trauma caused by childhood and long-term abuse. So, what ends up happening despite your being highly motivated to heal and recover? The plethora of possible answers on Google or Amazon or lack of answers from a trusted confidant start sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher, “Blah, blah, blah, waunt, waunt, waunt.”  Therefore, you end up feeling not only discouraged and unseen but now overwhelmed.

As frustrating as those scenarios are, you are not alone.  I, too can raise my hand and say, “I’ve been there!” Just like millions of other abuse survivors out there in the same annoying boat. The good news is that is not what you will find in this article!  In fact, I am going to outline for you what I call the 5 Keys on The Bridge to Breakthroughs.  These keys encompass years of the best and most recent research on how to overcome abuse and start living the hopeful, joyful life God wants you to have in John 15:11 “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” (ESV)

Without further ado, let’s look at these powerful life changing keys:

• Recognize
• Relate
• Rest
• Recover
• Renew

Since this article is the first in a series, I am going to discuss the first key, Recognize here. The life changing benefits of Recognizing are twofold but before we look at those advantages, let’s clarify what “recognize” means. What does “recognize” mean?

According to Webster’s Dictionary recognize means, “to acknowledge or take notice of in some definite way.”  Notice the word recognize simply means to acknowledge.  It doesn’t mean to judge, agree with, like or believe something.  It just means see it.  

Benefit #1:
Seeing “it” makes it possible to heal “it.” After all, you cannot heal from something you refuse to recognize. Additionally, recognize can also mean, “To perceive clearly: REALIZE.”

Benefit #2:
Healing from trauma and abuse can initially seem scarier than the abuse itself.  However, the perspective of this journey and the path itself softens and becomes more approachable by not only recognizing the pain but also taking the time to realize key facts that most likely you don’t know about why you struggle.  For example, the number one negative impact of abuse is shame; not fear and anxiety.  And shame is caused by a lack of unconditional love.  Why is this important?  

Because when you are abused repeatedly, you automatically begin to believe you are unworthy and unlovable.  Even worse, these beliefs follow you around every day negatively and unconsciously wreaking havoc on you, your self-perfection, your relationships, your job, your life.  Which explains the chronic anxiety, fear, and low self-esteem you struggle with.

Recognizing this important fact negates the common belief of, “I’m just crazy.”  Understanding why you feel how you feel and why you struggle normalizes the experience rather than elevating it to a life changing belief of being insane and unstable doomed to live a sad, lonely life. Better yet, the concept of recognize makes space for relief to start settling in.  How so?

Because “Recognize” is not just about seeing and acknowledging sad, difficult truths but also, and more importantly, seeing life-changing, healing, and happy Godly facts.  For example, once you realize that you feel unlovable and recognize why, then you can also recognize that God loves you unconditionally.  As a result, you can very gently open your hearts to God’s healing, powerful, unconditional love.  Thereby, starting to feel some relief and even better reducing shame.  

After all, if not receiving unconditional love caused you to feel shame, then certainly receiving God’s unconditional love will help you feel like the beautiful, capable child of God you truly are, right? In summary, the greatest advantage of Key 1: Recognize lies in the fact that once something is realized, it can then begin to be changed, transformed, or received or related to.

Let me just reiterate that recognizing something does not automatically mean you can easily relate to it, change it, or transform it which is where Key 2-Relate comes in. This is where true healing lies. This crucial key unlocks the door to further breakthroughs only increasing the possibility of overcoming abuse and discovering a hopeful, free and joyful life.

I will discuss that in my next article.  Stay tuned in two weeks.