The Essence of a Godly Marriage: (Love & Submission)

We are well aware of what it is to love as Christ. We have personally experienced the Agape love of God. However, to love with Agape love is a challenge. Marriages have failed merely due to lack of love and submission. How should submission be regarded in a marriage? What is the kind of love we need to portray? – it is ‘Agape Love’.

What is the kind of submission expected by God? It is submission in accordance to the will of God.  We are in the world but not of the world. Our temporary role on earth is manifested in the physical, which determines our eternity through the Father’s righteous judgements. Love and submission need to be reciprocated in marriages.

How many Christian marriages aim to see fulfilled lives? Genesis 1:27 says, “God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them”. When man and woman were made in God’s image, it was exhorted that both impart love and honour to each other. Yet there are elements of superiority, lovelessness, ego, and bitterness that have contaminated and hindered christian marriages from possessing the qualities God intended. When we desire our inheritance in the kingdom of Christ we need to be far from the lifestyle we led when we were in darkness. Our lives must bear the fruit of the Spirit and prove all that the Father accepts, which manifests in goodness, righteousness and truth.

Ephesians 5:22-25 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it”

The Greek word used for ‘Submission’ is υποτασσομαι (hupotassomai) which is “to deploy oneself in support of the spouse against the enemy.” This submission is to defend, support, and position yourself to stand for your spouse. A wife should be keen to support the husband to ensure the purposes of God are established and the home portrays the kingdom of Christ.

Submission is often misinterpreted as being weak, vulnerable, controlled, dictated or ruled under pressure in patriarchal and male chauvinism. Well, this is the way the system of the world has functioned but according to the norms of the Kingdom it is unacceptable. We tend to reinforce gender (patriarchal) status, failing to acknowledge the depth and intimacy of husband and wife, where the wife is a helper who is deployed to stand and support her husband in the things of God and in accordance to God’s will. As the Body of Christ, we need to ensure we don’t approve gender inequality or misinterpret the Word of God to justify inequality and maintain the status quo. Submission doesn’t mean a wife is inferior, loses identity or allows violation. Her submission is to encourage her husband to propel him to where he is assigned by God and support (defend) him against the viles of the enemy.

1 Corinthians 11:3 says, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. When the head of every man is Christ, as a husband one would desire his wife to submit according to God’s will”. Submission should be man’s expectations of his wife according to God’s will, as it is God who is the head of man.

Ephesians 5:26-33 says, “That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife must respect her husband”.

As much as the wife is responsible to be submissive in supporting, defending and elevating her husband in the purposes of God; it is the husband’s responsibility to love his wife as himself. Sanctify, cleanse and wash her through the Word and not his carnal words. When wives are able to submit and husbands are able to love their wives as themselves, it’s impossible to see marriages break. When the carnal nature is stripped off and the Agape love of God is poured forth a man can love his wife with more than Eros love (sensual love).

A marriage needs oneness that comes through love and submission, which is not just from a single spouse or as demanding spouses but spouses willing to contribute towards the higher purpose of God. Let’s see marriages live in the WORD, which is the infallible truth for His purposes. What God has joined, let no man (be it a husband, wife, parents, or even Satan’s agents) put asunder. (Mark 10:9)