The “Gift”of Adoption
By Terri Reed
The judge’s office was stifling hot that January Sierra Leone morning, even with a partially running air conditioner humming in the background. Approximately twenty of us crammed into an office smaller than an American master bathroom. The heaviness of body odor hung in the air as four different families gathered for the hearing. The judge’s meticulous scribbles of notes on paper while a computer sat untouched on her desk only added to the atmosphere’s already awkward moment. One by one Islamic family members swore on the Koran and gave permission for their grand-daughters to be adopted by our American Christian family. Finally, after all the family statements, the judge looked intently at Matt, my husband, and asked, “What does adoption mean to you?”
Looking back to the judge’s office that morning, I do not feel I personally grasped the meaning of that question, the intensity at which such a word could bring. Caught-up in the emotional “high” of the moment, the answer in my mind was obvious. The path set and the paperwork accepting these three teenage girls into our family was a mere formality, a check of the box needed to be completed for the proper governmental protocol. After all we had spoken of adoption for years, even before our four biological children.
A dear friend, incidentally, also an adoptive family, once shared with me how adoption is the truest example of how God adopts us into His family. Romans 8:14-17 states “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory”(emphasis added). My initial thought was, “yes, of course it is.” The reality and depth of meaning of her words would not impact me until my third and final trip to Africa and our subsequent time since returning home to the United States.
Every adoption story is different. The experiences and trauma children have are all different and how each child shows the result of their traumatic experiences is different. Although adoptive parents go through training to prepare you how to work through the child’s trauma it never seems sufficient when you are in the actual trenches of spiritual warfare with the child. When you welcome an adoptive child into your home you are accepting them as they are, hurts, baggage, anger, resentment, fear and protective walls built around their hearts… This is the perfect picture of God accepting us into His family. We come before our Abba, Father, broken, hurt, angry, bitter…. yet He loves us with His perfect unconditional love. Through our adoption journey, I understand this concept to a whole new level. I wish I could say I love unconditionally as God loves His children but my heart is tainted by sin, so I find I struggle with unconditional love.
Why? My experience in Africa was hard. I was surrounded by a culture that saw me not as a person but a “white”American, with money, who should solve all their problems. My daily existence with our girls was filled with them mocking, resenting, manipulating, disrespecting and stealing from me. In all honesty, I built my own walls to protect myself. Even now, after being home almost a year, I question their every motive first as an act of manipulation and second as an actual act of love. It is hard to admit but trauma changes our way of thinking. God is working on my heart through this journey. I am thankful God’s love for me is not conditional.
The road I have traveled revealed the true mean of unconditional love. God loves each of His children unconditionally. My finite mind has a hard time contemplating such a concept. He truly accepts where we are at and begins to change us from the inside out. It is not an instant transformation but one like the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly. It is only through the inward change happening within the cocoon and the subsequent struggles to break free from the bonds will the butterfly finally become free.
Adoption is hard. We knew God had chosen us to adopt. We also know we are not called to a life of ease but obedience. Luke 22:42 shows the humanity of our Savior, Jesus Christ, when He said, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” (NIV) Christ obeyed the Father to the point of death. God the Father did not take the cup from Jesus, but did give him the courage to hold the cup. As Christians, no matter our trial, we need to change our mindset on the situation and pray for the courage to hold the cup. I am not liking adoption to the pain our Savior suffered on the cross bearing the world’s sin. I am just trying to say there are many hard moments in helping adopted children overcome their trauma and realizing I cannot get through those moments or seasons on own strength. I need God to provide the strength and courage to persevere and love each one regardless of their thoughts, words and actions towards myself or others in our family.
What does adoption mean to me? It is welcoming a child into our home, just as they are, battered and bruised with trauma, choosing to give equal status as our biological children and by God’s grace become apart of our family.Adoption, welcoming a traumatized stranger into your home and loving them as they are, truly is the greatest example of how God adopts each one of us. The journey of adoption is not easy but it is a priceless adventure where you and your family will be forever changed.
