The Snow White Roses
Running late for her appointment, Rayvin rushed to open the solid front door. She was startled to find what seemed a bouquet of long stemmed roses just floating at eye level, which wasn’t very high seeing she stopped growing in middle school at a whopping five foot.
Instinctively grabbing for the floating object, she was alarmed when her hand was met with someone else’s and a startled voice asking if she was Ms. Rayvin came from behind the flowing arrangement of snow white roses, baby’s breath and a greenery mixture that completed the most amazing scented nosegay she had ever seen. Between being given a minor heart attack, she also got tickled and let out a snicker, because she hadn’t thought about that word since she was a young girl working with her GiGi in the flower shop.
Now the courier, who had been hidden behind the wrapping, stepped to the side, cleared his throat, and once again asked, “Are you Ms Rayvin?”
“Yes I am.”
“Then these are for you.” The driver handed the roses to Rayvin and turned quickly to retreat back to his vehicle before she could even get her bearings to say thank you or tip him.
Instinctively Rayvin had the flowers close enough to her nose to smell the sweet aroma, but far enough away that she wouldn’t damage the delicate petals. Again Rayvin started to laugh, why was all these memories of her GiGi coming back.
Flooded with what seemed like a movie reel playing, she felt the smile growing larger and larger on her face. She missed those days. She felt safe. She felt secure. Why and where did she lose herself?
Realizing she was going to really be late, she rushed to her car and delicately placed the roses in an empty fast food cola cup she hadn’t thrown away from the other day before speeding off to her appointment.
As she was about to pull in to the locally owned coffee shop, her phone chirped. Waiting to park before she looked at the text, she was relieved to read the woman she was meeting got tied up in another meeting and now was sitting in stand still traffic with nowhere to turn around.
“That’s okay, I’ll grab a coffee and wait inside. I want to journal anyway.” Rayvin responded in a text.
“See you soon.” was the response she got.
Not wanting her fresh flowers to get too hot or cold, Rayvin brought them with her inside the shop. They became a topic of conversation as people commented on their beauty and the fact that someone must really love her. That is when it struck her, she didn’t know who they came from. She wasn’t in a relationship. Matter of fact her latest male friend, who she thought was going to be the one, granted her a trip to the local police station taking out an order of protection after she ended up in the walkin clinic with a broken arm.
Now the movie memory playing was not a pretty one, but for her it had a different ending this time. While she was in the foyer of the magistrates office there was a black spinning rack that was overflowing with brochures from AA, NA to a brand new group called New Beginnings. While waiting for the magistrate to type up her paperwork, she started reading about a group of ladies who wanted to walk with women who found themselves in abuse, addiction or even negative cycles of life. The more Rayvin read that day, she knew something had to give. Tucking the paper in her purse, she walked out determined to contact them as soon as she was in her vehicle.
Sitting down in the corner waiting for her new friend, Rayvin took out her journal and started writing her thoughts about last night’s class.
I grew up in church.
I know the right answers.
I can proudly recite the addresses of all her favorites but why Lord? Why do I get into relationships that aren’t good? And Lord what does it mean to live a life worthy of the calling you have put on my life? What does that mean? Lord these ladies are pushing back, making me think. Lord, Your Word says that if I ask for wisdom and knowledge, You will grant it. Lord give me eyes to see and ears to hare, but more importantly a heart open to change.
As she was about to put her journal away, the alarm on her phone pinged again.
“Sorry, still stuck. Reschedule?”
Rayvin was bummed about not meeting but also excited that she could sit and just write for a while. “Sure. Be careful. Talk later.”
Turning the page to her journal Rayvin wrote in big bold letters. KNOWLEDGE! WISDOM! LIVING ON PURPOSE!
Lord give me knowledge. Grant me wisdom. Lord I want to live as the child of God you say I am. Lord you say I am a princess. Lord, I feel like a pauper. Lord, I really don’t feel worthy of being your daughter. Lord, I feel like I deserve the relationships I get into; it feels normal until it’s not. Lord, if I am being honest… How can you love me, when I don’t even love myself?
As Rayvin wrote those words in her journal, it was like a light bulb went off. The study lately had been on their devotion to God and one of the ways to be devoted to God was to live out our identity in Him. The study last week was about knowing we were clearly created on purpose and for a purpose, but until our heart caught up with the head knowledge we wouldn’t live into our potential. Until we saw ourselves as God saw us, His child, created to do great things all for His glory… we would continue to live lives that only glorified ourselves.
The coffee shop was starting to get busy so Rayvin gathered her things to head back to her apartment. As she was driving though, it was like the fog lifted and she realized living a life devoted to God meant she wasn’t to live in the shame and guilt of her past. She needed to start living every day to the fullest. Living a life that glorified God and represented the thankfulness she really had for Him saving her and sparing her life more than once.
Sitting at the light, waiting to turn into her complex, a phrase a guest speaker had said a couple of weeks ago started flashing like a neon sign: It is not a legalist requirement, but an irresistible response.
The speaker was talking about living a life devoted to God and being obedient to living a life that glorified God.
Rayvin was even more convicted by the way she had been living. Saying she was a believer yet living everyday for herself. Making sure she was happy in life with no regard to whether it was pleasing to God.
Pulling into her designated parking spot, Rayvin turned off the car and sat there in complete silence.
Lord forgive me, she squeaked out through the tears. I thought I was doing okay. I thought because I hadn’t murdered anyone and I didn’t swear everyday that I was good. I realize now that I have been playing the game. Now with tears streaming down her face, Rayvin sat with her palms turned toward heaven and open… I am sorry for what I have made it Lord. Please forgive me for saying one thing and living a different way. I am ready to live a life fully devoted to you. I want to glorify you, Lord. Oh Lord I want to truly become Your daughter. Please… Please.. Forgive me.
Wiping her tears, she got startled when there was a knock on her car window. Looking out, she noticed it was the delivery driver from earlier and this time he was holding a card. Opening the door, she took the card. He apologized that he missed it earlier. Rayvin, still not able to talk from all the crying, just nodded and walked into the house.
Dear Rayvin,
We pray as you start your journey with the Lord that these flowers will be a forever memory of how precious you are to the Lord. We pray that you see in yourself what we see.
The Leadership Team
Mapleton Church.
Rayvin couldn’t believe that the women at the church would do something like that for her. Starting to feel unworthy, a twinge came over her and reminded her that living our her new devotion to God required her to change her thought pattern and remember who God said she was.
Wonderfully created.
Knitted together in her mothers womb.
Created on purpose for a purpose.
Sitting on the floor, with the card in front of her and the snow white roses still in their makeshift flower vase, Rayvin felt the warmth of the sun coming through the windows and knew it was God’s way of saying, I love you.
